It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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