I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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