the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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