i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
