the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
