Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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