apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
