OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
