I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
