NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
