Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
