he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
