And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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