it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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