My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
