At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
