Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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