I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
