What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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