Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
