he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
