I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
