I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
