Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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