God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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