I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sext me about skeletons
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
