I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
