Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and she was petting her beer can
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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