My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
