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I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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