I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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