K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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