Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I had to cum in my sink.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize