her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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