There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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