I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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