white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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