Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I lost the right to judge tonight
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
