so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
pray to the hookup gods
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize