And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you had me at cake vodka
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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