Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
