so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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