Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
