he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
