Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
