I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
