A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
