Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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