you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
