im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
