i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
