Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
