its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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