How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
