So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize