You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize