How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
