i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
