I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize