Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
