What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
there's paper in my vomit.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
