I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
