On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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