Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
