If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
