peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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