he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
His hands were made for my vagina.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
