I got chris browned last night
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
