Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
