3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
