He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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