i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
