i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
