I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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