Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
should my penis look like a turkey
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
