Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
